Dear J. Crew,
Hello, friend. Its me, Betsy. We've been good friends for a long time. I have fond memories of our long lasting bond. I placed my first order with you back in December, 1994, when I bought my high school boyfriend a gift. I wrote you a Bugs Bunny check, filled out a form, and dropped it in the mail. 16 days later, I received a sweater. I was hooked.
We go way back. The periwinkle polka dot bikini I wore on Spring break during my senior year of high school was hot. I'm convinced that I received a bid from my sorority in college because I rocked a long black dress from you at 6 party. I still wear my black boots that I got from you about 5 years ago. No Christmas is complete without several boxes from you under the tree.
Since we've had a long history, I've been able to accept your recent mishaps. I can tolerate the layers upon layers that you are currently putting on your models, so that I have to visually undress them in order to find the item that I may want. I also can look past the ankle socks that you have been pairing with satin pumps. I even forgive you for the dress that I ordered ( final sale) that was almost indecently short. I'm 5'11, and it looked plenty long on the model, who should be at least that tall, right? I wore it anyway, (see below). Your 15% off teacher discount woos me every time.
However, I'm a bit miffed this time. I recently purchased the long boyfriend cardigan, as I figured I should. I have a boyfriend, you see, but he doesn't have a cardigan for me to wear, so I simply had to buy one. While I was detagging this garment, as I always do, I discovered this:
In case you can't read it, it says, "cover buttons with foil before dry cleaning." Are you f'******* kidding me, J.Crew? You want me to seriously ask the guy at the dry cleaning place to Reynold's Wrap my sweater buttons before spraying it with environmentally unsound, toxic chemicals? I'm not pleased.
Xoxoxoxo,
Betsy
