Target: Fail!

Today was a beautiful spring day. It was sunny and about 64 degrees outside. I have been feeling sassy and springy. My psyche has also been bombarded with those glorious Target ads that scream, "Its spring! Liberty of London! All things floral! Cheep, cheep, says the chick!" Now, prior to those ads I had never heard of Liberty of London. However, always eager to jump on whatever bandwagon rolls my way, I deemed it to be cool. I must have one of those floral frocks, I thought as I rolled into Target, post-Qdoba burrito noshing. Now I must explain first why this shopping endeavor was so exciting. Now maybe, just maybe, someone, who shall remain nameless, also known as everyone, might have once referred to me as a bit snooty. Several years ago I would not have shopped at Target for clothes. In recent years I have gotten a lot more realistic, dejerkified myself a bit, and now I like cheap stuff. This lifestyle shift has been greatly applauded by my future husband and Dave Ramsay.

As I approached the clothing section I was thrilled to see that sassy dress that had so festively adorned the lanky model in the commercial. I too would soon be flitting around like a bumblebee amidst large, computer animated blossoms. I envisioned myself wearing it riding around town on a pink Vespa, sans helmet. Oh, no. It looked like this:

A $25 floral potato sack accentuating nothing. But my hips.

Even better was this peacock feathered tiered number. Please disregard my shoes. I don't like bare feet on dressing room floors.

This dress was a real prize. By this time I was growing frustrated, and had put my Juicy pants on again. This dress was incredibly short. I giggled as I thought of Derek Zoolander. "What is this, a dress for ants?"

I did purchase a tank top for $6.30. I love a good tank top. It is not different from any other tank top, except that it had an enormous price tag on it. My family finds my fear/loathing of tags incredibly entertaining. Quips like, "Why don't you get therapy, Bets about tags?" are common. I am posting evidence that although I have not sought therapy, I have made progress. There is a giant tag on my shoulder here, sitting there just like a spider. I didn't die. This occurred on March 24, 2010.