Glamorous Christmas Card

I was really jazzed about my parents' Christmas card this year. I helped my mom design it, and I loved the center stage I took for 2010's card. I was fancying myself and my crew quite glamorous.

But, oh hell's no, people.

We cannot compete with the KARDASHIANS. My cyber skills and google helped me procure the Kardashian family's 2010 Christmas card.

I feel so inadequate. I mean, we smiled! Why didn't we all look alluringly at the camera? 4 year old Caroline hasn't nailed the sultry smirk that Kourtney and Scott's son Mason has clearly mastered at like 18 months. My mother is not showing all of her friends and family her breasts like Kris Jenner. I cannot even compare myself to Khloe. Despite our giantess physiques and massive hair, her groom is a 7 footer NBA superstar who only eats candy. My groom is merely 6 feet tall and eats only candy. Lastly, my daddy pales in comparison to Bruce Jenner. I mean that literally. He is pale compared to Bruce's mega-tan botoxed mask that doesn't move. It seems that Christmas in Indiana is a tad different from Christmas in LA-

A Tad Cranky

I've been a bit cranky this weekend. I've had a sinus headache for like 48 hours and I'm definitely turning into my mother with her constant sinus woes. I pulled myself off of the couch last evening to go to one of my school Christmas parties. Of course I forced my husband to pose for a picture. I thought I'd share the evolution of a photo in my house.

First step: pose big girl by her little tree.

Step #2: Retrieve husband. Position him by tree. Set timer on camera. This happens.

Crap! Step #3: Adjust timer. Pose next to husband. Dwarf tree out of photo with our ginormous selves.

I wanted to post this in case anyone thinks I do things smoothly. If you know me, you'd know that thought is completely ridiculous. If you don't know me, you're probably not reading this anyway.

My Christmas card doorway. Once I fill this one, I'll do the other side. I can't quite decide if this looks tacky. If it does, me doth not care. I like it.

Back to my crankiness. We got up this morning and went to 10 a.m. mass. After we left church I said, "I can't believe our priest never called me back this week. I really need to talk to him." Then we headed to the mall for a little Christmas shopping. T and I both bought lots of gifts at Nordstrom. I also got a gift at Loft for my BFF Jamie. When we got in the car I surveyed our bags. "That Nordstrom guy did a crummy job wrapping this bag of gifts. They don't even have a ribbon. The Loft chick stinks too. Jamie's gift fell right out of the gift box into the bag. Doesn't anyone know how to package anything anymore? Geesh!"

Are you noticing a pattern here?

Next stop, Panera. I got into a spat with the manager over points on my Panera card. My comment to him was "You really can't fix this? It doesn't seem that difficult to me. It's not like you have to teach a kid to read each day like me. You just load my sandwich points on this plastic card." I did not say the last two sentences. That would just be my obnoxious inner speech.

Trinity did not respond to any of my negativity all day. I didn't notice I was even being a jerk. When we got home this was what he said to me:

"Bets, you can solve all of your complaints with email. First I want you to email the Pope in Rome and tell him about how our priest won't call you back. Next you can email Bill Nordstrom and Cynthia Loft and tell them that their employees can't wrap presents. Lastly, I want you to email Joyce Panera and tell her to get this point situation taken care of ASAP. How does that sound?"

This is why I married this man. I nearly wet my pants. I loved that he had assigned first names to the head mofos of companies that had totally wronged me. I mean, Joyce Panera? How hilarious is that? Had he known better he would have told me to email Ann Taylor instead of Cynthia Loft, but that's fine. He got his point across. I'm a jerk.

I don't swoon

At least I don't often at my age, unless my precious husband has done something wonderful. I once was a swooner, though, back in my college days. If you haven't seen this group before, they are called Straight No Chaser, and they were an a capella group that started at my beloved Indiana University when I was a student there. I went to my first SNC concert after a Delta Gamma pledge event during my freshman year. I swayed. I guffawed. I was hooked.

SNC came several times to sing for us during dinner on random nights over the next few years. I'll never forget the time they came and brought this guy. My memory is all fuzzy with details, but it must have been like my junior or senior year. Due to my cyber stalking skills I discovered that this looker was born in 1981, making him 2 years younger than moi. My deductive reasoning tells me he was probably a sophomore and I was a senior. He sang " I Want You Back" by the Jackson 5, and I remember barely being able to finish my fudge bar dessert, which tells you just how mesmerized I was. I recorded this show earlier this year when they performed in Chicago, I believe. I found it on youtube, along with a newer video with this cat singing "Tainted Love" in musical video form. It's marvelous, I just couldn't get it to download here. I watched it over and over and over again. Am I in love with these men? No. Am I infatuated with them? Again, no. Rather I'm in love and infatuated with what they represent, a splendid time in my life when I slept in bed #45 , ran down the front steps of the DG house to retrieve our house's copies of the IDS at 6 a.m. and had not a care in the world. Straight No Chaser makes me feel 19 again, and I love them for it.

No Barbie Dream house

I was hunting on the FAO Schwartz website for a Christmas gift for my niece. I came across this beauty-

The Emerson House

This might just be the coolest toy I have ever seen. I want this dollhouse. I actually want this as my actual house. It is so lovely and modern. It can't be that much smaller than my actual house anyway-

Pat's Birthday and Christmas Soiree

We then drove to see Trinity's parents to attend their holiday party and celebrate his mom's birthday. The house was all decked out in Pat's 2010 theme, "They will bring him silver and gold."

The tree was lovely.

Here is the birthday girl

There was cake! One red velvet and one chocolate sheet cake. I had about 3 pieces.

T and his dad

Here I am demonstrating to Charlotte that I am so talented that I am capable of eating sheet cake with my fingers, brownie style. Lots of people gathered around to see my parlor trick. Charlotte was such a hoot. She is Pat's dear friend and an avid reader of my blog. She and her husband, Trevor(staring at me above) tore up the dance floor at our wedding!

My husband posed with me in my very subtle and unassuming mini dress. I'm sure it's normal length on most people. It also was a great example of my love of color. I'm also wearing tights. I did some breathing exercises to calm myself and I was fine.

I even sported matching earrings. In every shot one was obscured, thus making me look like I rocked a single earring like Boy George.

Yay for a fun night!!! Happy Birthday, Pat!

Louisville Trip

T and I traveled south to Louisville this weekend. We went to celebrate the 3rd anniversary of our first meeting back in 2007. We stayed downtown at the historic Seelbach Hilton Hotel, which was beautiful and free. I used my Hilton Honors points for a free night, or maybe it was my close personal friendship with Paris Hilton that afforded me such a luxury. As if! I would never be friends with that coke snorting train wreck.

We swooned at the foot of the lobby's tree. The lights were mesmerizing.

T checks out our bed. Hilton Honors freebies aren't for tall people. We got a queen sized bed. We started complaining to each other and then remembered that was what we have at home. It looked smaller with that antiquey headboard. There were no tags, either. I had my scissors poised and ready to remove tags and my husband's finger if he got in the way. I always do a little happy dance when I can't locate a tag!

We then started rolling on the Urban Bourbon Trail, which is just basically a bar crawl through downtown Louisville, minus the matching shirts that say "Delta Gamma Seniors Bar Crawl 2001." We started at the Galt House, site of my bachelorette weekend in June. They had this bunk display of lights that cost $17.95 per adult. Uh, no thanks, jerks. We did enjoy the outside and T snapped some pics of me. I channeled my inner jockey with my equestrian boots and leggings, sans horse and 115lb physique. Judging from this pic, I seem to totally be down with the bowlegged stance of jockeys. Awesome.

Jockey Silks bar

We also hit up the Bar at the Brown Hotel, The Old Seelbach Bar, and a fabulous restaurant called Proof on Main. Swanky and tasty.

The best part of the experience was the pink cotton candy that came with our bill. A perfect end to our circus like antics!

Johnny on the spot with my Christmas cards!

I sent out my Christmas cards already. I was a little excited. I can neither confirm nor deny that I ordered them in October. I have sporadically sent out Christmas cards over the years, and when I did I pasted that year's school picture to the inside. I always found that to be really funny. For my first "real" Christmas cards, I went the traditional and predictable route and used two of my favorite wedding pictures. Everyone expects that from newlyweds, right? I am ready to begin my December tradition of running to the mailbox every evening, hoping for some yuletide greetings. I thought I would share our first Christmas card together, 2010!