By The Way, I'm a Thief.

This photo shows me pondering my problem. Why would I share this with you all? Its simple, really, and it came to me this morning in my yoga class. Each time I go to yoga, as we start into our practice, the instructor becomes very calm and says, "set your intention for this practice, and keep it in your mind for the next hour as we begin our flow." I quickly figured out that I don't actually have to share my intention aloud, so it usually is something quite deep like, "I intend not to fart as I do my downward dogs." Today was different, as my intention went beyond the mat. The first thing that popped into my brain as I stood in my mountain pose was, "I intend to tell my blog readers that I steal."

If you know me, or even if you don't, I like to think I have an honest face, and look like an honest gal. I am, I'm telling the truth. Or am I? Well, first you should know that I only steal select items, and only from a few victims. As I embarked on a life of independence, in my early twenties, I discovered that I abhorred purchasing 3 items; toilet paper, paper towels, and tampons. These items are completely necessary, but are almost synonymous with trash. You only use them briefly, then they are discarded. They are also very pricey. They are not fun to purchase. Fortunately, I have a father who has a second home, known to many as Sam's Club. He enjoys buying in bulk. We are complete opposites. The only thing worse to me than spending $6 on 8 rolls of toilet paper is spending $15 on 24 rolls of toilet paper. Better deal, yes, but more money up front. Me no likey. My father also has the habit of storing excess paper products from Sam's in the garage. Not a smart move, Pops, as you have a daughter who must exit the family home via the garage to get to her car to return to her own abode. This provides an excellent snatching opportunity. I grab with reckless abandon. I look like a contestant on Supermarket Sweep as I forage through the garage, tossing paper towels and TP into my trunk.

This has been my practice for about 5 years, and I often thought myself quite stealth as I stole from my dear parents. I'm almost out of toilet paper. Head to the store? Naw, drive 72 miles to my parents house and load up. You see, it clearly makes tons of sense. I was pretty shameless about my scam until about 2 years ago when I went to visit my sister and her real goof of a husband. As we made our plans on the phone, I heard my brother in law shout out, "Betsy's coming, hide the paper products!" My sticky fingers were indeed no secret, and they had toilet paper stuck all over them. I was actually embarrassed, and have stopped this practice almost entirely. Don't judge, and don't worry, I won't steal from you unless your name is Bob or Chip.